Feeling old today

My grandfather, Bill, passed away yesterday.  He had been sick for a few weeks and, to be honest, hadn’t wanted to “be here” since my grandmother passed away the day after Christmas last year.  Still it’s a sad day and one that makes me feel older because Papa Bill was my last living grandparent.  My mom’s dad (Parley) died when I was young (four or five maybe) so I don’t remember too much about him.  I have a recording of us talking together and have “memories” that are probably just my imagination applied to storied I’ve heard.  My mom’s mom (Joyce) passed a few years ago.  She was a wonderful lady that was very independent and taught me a lot about confidence and speaking your mind.  My dad’s mom (Mary) passed about 10 months ago.  It was a little sudden because although she clearly had Alzheimers, she wasn’t obviously ill in any other way.  She was remarkable for her patience and gentleness.  I can never remember her saying a mean word about anyone or ever getting frustrated with a situation.
And now my dad’s dad has gone.  He was a great carpenter, card player, salesman and practical joker. Even though he was sick for a few weeks and we all sort of knew what was coming, I am still oddly affected by his passing.  It’s more than just losing a grandparent.  He was my last grandparent and now I feel like the whole family has indexed one space.  My dad is now “the grandparent” and I now am “the dad”.  I know I’ve been a dad for the 8+ years since my daughter was born, but the fact that there is only one generation older than me now somehow makes me feel a lot older.






One response to “Feeling old today”

  1. Josh Avatar

    Hey Chris, I know what you mean, both of my grandfathers (my heroes) died in the last year. That “indexed one space” felt like a carriage return, but I’m realizing more how his life and character has filtered down through my father to my son and impacts those around me more than I realize. feel old, but feel proud too.

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